Sunday, December 09, 2007

fauxgue magazine interview with steve poltz




Fauxgue Magazine Interview, December 2007:



Steve arrived for the interview casually attired in jeans, white t-shirt, and thongs. His face was freshly scrubbed except for a little eyeliner - "for the camera"



FM: Welcome, Steve. Steve it would appear from your name, your name being Steve, that you are of the male gender. Is this a correct assumption, Steve?

SP: Very astute. Yes, I am a man. A fine American man. I am a man, hear me roar.

FM: Steve, you are a fine musician. You, no doubt, would have an opinion on the music of other fine artists. What song thrills you to your very core when you hear it on the radio?

SP: Oh, that's easy. It's C'mon, Get Happy by The Partridge Family. It gets me every time. Those keyboards, you know...



FM: It must have been pleasing to you, then , when you were asked to write a comeback song for David Cassidy?

SP: You're not wrong there. If the truth be told I was chuffed about it and if you watch my DVD -Live at the Basement- you will hear what happened when I went to meet Mr Cassidy. Ah, his face wouldn't have moved enough to let the words of my song out in any case. He would have had to hum it and the song would have been nowhere near as effective and touching as it should be.

FM: It is rumoured that Neil Young was quite a fan of your Answering Machine CD and that when you had a chance to meet him you made...how can I put it....a bit of an ass of yourself. Steve - it's on your website;you can't deny it.

SP: What do you mean "bit of an ass"? I'll have you know, Miss, that I made Quite An Ass of myself. Please conduct your research in a more professional fashion (flicking hair)


Poltz Interview Part II


FM: Sorry, Mr Steve. Back to Neil. Do you think you could take him in a fight ?


SP: Why did I agree to this interview?


FM: One word for you, Stevie Joe, and that is CASH. Admit that you needed the $$. You didn't get enough for your music being used in the Jeep commercial and in the American version of The Office. Not enough royalties for You Were Meant For Me. You need the cash.


SP:Well, you've got me there. It's true that even Talented and Clever People have to eat, run a car (Jeep, must be a Jeep), and go shopping for clothes and cosmetics. All those activities that the plebeians partake in, so must we. And those activities require funds.


FM: A serious question for you now. If you had to choose between eating a hotdog made from a real dog or listening to the solo recordings of David Cassidy, which would it be?


SP: Is it a dachshund?


FM: Steve, what song makes you sick to the stomach when you hear it?


SP: Ah, lass, that would be I Wanna Dance With Somebody by Whitney Houston. It brings to the surface all the profound feelings of loneliness that all artistes have to suppress in order to be able to function in society -the sensitivity that we feel. This song cuts me to the quick and it is for that reason, and that reason alone, that I change the radio station when I hear it begin. Some people might change the station because they think the song is shite, but my reasons run much, much deeper than that. Poltz = profundity.


FM: Mr Poltz, if you look to the right - yes, there on the sidetable -you will find a box of tissues. You will shortly be visiting Australia. What can the audience expect?


SP: Singing and geetar playin'


FM: Funny stories?


SP: I'm a funny man

FM: Flogging of new CDs?


SP:Why waste the opportunity to flog them, I say


FM: I daresay the dates can be found here ?


SP: They'd better be there or Heads Will Roll!


FM: One last question for you.

Victor Hugo said: Forty is the old-age of youth;fifty is the youth of old age.

What is your opinion on aging in general?


SP: I think that's a question for Joan van Ark


FM: Thank you for your time, Mr Poltz


SP: Cheque will be fine.




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37 Comments:

Blogger Dave said...

I have no idea what this is about.

8:04 PM  
Blogger steve said...

I laughed, I cried, it was better than CATS. Maintain this level of journalistic excellence, and Larry King will find himself jealous of your mad skillz.

8:11 PM  
Blogger lee said...

dave -why would you -you're a Pom and, from memory, you're into classical music :). The stuff about david cassidy and neil young is true :). Surely you even had a thing for david cassidy.

steve - you may not remember that you were the first person who ever commented on this blog a couple of years ago and I really did think, at this juncture, that you were dead or something.I'm awfully glad that you're not dead.Move over Larry, you old has been ;).

10:47 PM  
Blogger lee said...

Oh -must add-the countdown spectacular was just shown on the ABC. I nearly died -rick springfield did affair of the heart, don't talk to strangers, and jessie's girl. Middle-aged women in the audience were nearly dying as well. Oh, rick rick -how I loved you!!!!sob, sob.

10:50 PM  
Blogger Stace said...

Lee, I went to see Donny Osmond a little while back... the place was packed with middle aged ladies going ga-ga over him, it was quite hilarious and disgusting!

10:53 PM  
Blogger lee said...

stace -ah, it kills me that you went to see donny osmond -hahahahaha. That does seem out of character.I can't imagine aidan seeing donny osmond, either!Tell ya what -rick was looking pretty darned good -muscly and all. Had a bit of eyeliner on.My goodness-what an attractive man , and he can even play the guitar. And not a bad voice -didn't notice that when I was a young girl.

11:39 PM  
Blogger lee said...

Just read that rick springfield...oh..easier to copy it:
Rick Springfield (born Richard Lewis Springthorpe on August 23, 1949 in Sydney, Australia) is a songwriter, musician and actor. So that would make him....what?....about 58? Could that be right?I must be sick to fancy a man that age -my own father is 59. My father certainly DOES NOT LOOK LIKE THAT!

11:50 PM  
Blogger steve said...

I absolutely remember commenting here back in the old days of 2005. Ah... that's when a blog was a BLOG. These young kids nowadays, with their 30 comments on every post... they don't know how good they have it!

I didn't die - I just moved to Minnesota for awhile. Now I'm back in California with a vengeance.

6:05 AM  
Blogger Stace said...

Lee, I used to take singing lessons and I still love to sing and I love to hear beautiful voices. Donny Osmond has a beautiful voice. Poor Aidan took me to see him because he knew I'd appreciate the talent of the man, NOT the musical style! hehe

6:50 AM  
Blogger Keshi said...

**SP: Is it a dachshund?

LOL!

o cmon I wanna dance with somebody Steve LOL!


Keshi.

1:05 PM  
Blogger BUMBLE!!! said...

Nice to see a blog about an American that Americans don't know about.

That said, I do remember you trying to push this guy's lifework off a few weeks ago.

I'm astute like that.

1:47 PM  
Blogger lee said...

steve -you've moved there with a proper real honest to goodness girl-will she fit in there in california ;) :).

stace -and the thing is with donny osmond is that he is a LEGEND -love him or hate him no one can deny it :).

Still having a dialogue with self about rick springfield -checked out his website today. Oh, there are some VERY nice photos there - if bondgirl reads this -I'm telling you they are NICE -I imagine you would have been into him. If I was 11 when he hit, you must have been about 13 or 14 and were probably deperately in love with him as well. I will have to go find a rick interest group so that these crush declarations have somewhere appropriate to go.

keshi -steve is a funny guy -known for his humour.Though I have no idea why he would think that a dachshund would taste better than any other type of dog.If you go look at the dates, steve is coming to play at the Basement soon -go, woman, go! :).

bumble -I just don't get it. How could he be better known out here than there? Is it because the charts there are full of britney etc.? You are missing out. If you get a chance to go see him -take it.Though I've probably written that before.If you get a spare $20.00, get the DVD and be thoroughly entertained.Though I'm guessing if you had a spare $20.00 you might use it for food ;).

3:13 PM  
Blogger bondgirlgibbon said...

Oh Lee of course I loved Rick Springfield, who didn't - He was tall, slim, dark and brooding *sigh* what wasn't to love, Stuff Jesse everyone wanted to be Rickys' girl XOXOX OH and how fantastic did he look in "Battlestar Galactica" AND he was Australian AND on "General Hospital". Our very own Australian version of Donny Osmond (whom I also adored) 'I'm a little bit country and I'm a little bit of a rock n' roll' GO DONNY !!!!

11:01 PM  
Blogger Keshi said...

I'd go there then with a dachshund hot-dog. He's gonna look my way for sure ;-)

Keshi.

11:22 AM  
Blogger Within Without said...

WHO is Steve Poltz? And what about the butcher? And what about...oh, nevermind.

12:12 PM  
Blogger Stace said...

I think I must be abnormal. I honestly never had what you'd call a "crush" on a celebrity. OK, I thought Jessica Rabbit was hot. But other than that... celebs had, and still have, very little interest to me! Is that weird?

9:50 PM  
Blogger Dave said...

I don't need your poodle anymore, thanks.

1:15 AM  
Blogger lee said...

haha -and bondy-what about Don't Talk To Strangers -who would ever had bothered if RICK was on the scene!! ;) :).crush crush. Gonna put a photo here for you next time.

keshi-that might be the way to go. And steve would be mighty hungry after all that guitar playing ;).

ww- you canuck b*****d!!! Can't ya read, mate!! Can't ya read who the man is!!??? And the butcher could have cut off his balls in a workplace accident for all I know! (no, not being unkind to ww -he is having stirring/teasing women week over at his place this week and it obviously continued in the comment he left here -esp. re:butcher - so I'm stirring back :) ).

stace -no, not abnormal :). The very opposite :). Though are you saying that you didn't even get a pre-teen crush on anyone? I had the one on rick and also on neil finn. Before that it was davy jones. Later on it was-hahaha - TORVILL AND DEAN!!! Thought they were IT and had a poster of them. Kills me to think of it now -so funny. (Makes me wonder if these crushes at that age are part of a way of working out what we do and do not like?).Crushes nowadays are the local butcher,and michael palin -both for their humour :).

dave - he can go back to my mother again, then. She obviously wants ownership of my poodle.

8:05 AM  
Blogger Keshi said...

I dun mind 'feeding' Steve...LOL Im such a slut!

Keshi.

12:46 PM  
Blogger BUMBLE!!! said...

I'll have to look at Blockbuster online. Maybe they have it.

Or Myspace.

1:20 PM  
Blogger Within Without said...

Lee:

Oh, girl...how could you wish something like that on someone like a butcher?

It could have been the Butcher of Lyon...or the guy in Sweeney Todd...oh, the horror!

Hey, I'm just with Dave. I have no idea what this is about. Except that it's about someone named Steve Poltz.

I wonder whether the butcher would get workers' compensation benefits in such a case...

12:46 PM  
Blogger lee said...

keshi girl -that's one thing that you couldn't be accused of :).

bumble- you really would enjoy his stuff -must send you a link to this funny thing you can watch.

ww-see, this is a good thing -everytime you hear the word balls now you will think of steve poltz due to the exchange here re:butcher
(what about The Ball-less Butcher?).You won't forget steve now and if you stumble across a CD of his in the future the name will stand out. My job here is done ;) :).

9:16 PM  
Blogger fergal said...

who is steve poltz? haven't read the interview yet, sorry [too busy] ;-D

~

9:25 PM  
Blogger lee said...

It's alright, fergal. I'll tell you who steve poltz is. He's a 140kg ukelele playing transvestite from munich. In spare time he/she enjoys playing euchre and is known for euchre playing skill.

9:37 AM  
Blogger lee said...

Would like to add that I read another interview with him in which he mentioned that he likes to pee in the shower.

7:23 PM  
Blogger Keshi said...

aww tnxx! :)

hey check my current music...Im sure u like em!

Keshi.

10:33 PM  
Blogger homo escapeons said...

My music library has several 140kg ukelele playing transvestites from Munich but sadly none of them are named after a young turkey.

Imagine how all of those Tiger Beat dreamboats from the past: Donny, David & Ricky, must have missed the screaming of prepubescent, hysterical, girls during the two decades that they were ridiculed, dismissed and villified...

of course now that the gals have blossomed into bored, spiteful, divorcees and cougars who would do anything to get back at their first couple of husbands for giving up the BEST years of their lives for those BASTARDS!

These guys probably get WAY more action after the show (hubba hubba, sproing, giggity giggity)and don't have to worry about going to jail anymore WOOHOO!

Poor Steve Whatshisface on the other hand prolly drinks alone in his room and does crossword puzzles.
*Outside a coyote howls in the distance.

6:44 AM  
Blogger BUMBLE!!! said...

Still waiting for my link... if it's those damn wallabies keeping you from going on line, i'm going to have to send Crocodile Dundee after 'em!!!

9:42 AM  
Blogger Within Without said...

Sorry, Lee, I will NOT think about Steve Putz the next time I think of balls.

The odd time I think of balls, except when you blog about it, it's usually about my own. :-)

See? Teasing Women Week actually has continued, only it's on your blog...

Poor butcher...

2:30 PM  
Blogger lee said...

thanks keshi -will be over to check it out before too long.

homo man -this cracked me up:

Poor Steve Whatshisface on the other hand prolly drinks alone in his room and does crossword puzzles.
*Outside a coyote howls in the distance.

Steve Whathisface used to go out with Jewel -don't think he'd have any trouble getting a date -haha :). He co-wrote the longest ever running song on the billboard top 100. I think he's doing alright ;).But, still, he's no rick springfield! ;) (sorry, steve).

bumble -wait no longer! -check your mail :).

ww-awfully glad to hear that you're thinking about your balls. Someone has to ;).Balls is quite a funny word, isn't it?

3:47 PM  
Blogger Within Without said...

Lee:

Ha Ha Ha!!! Yes, someone has to!

Actually, I've responded to your comment on my blog...and I finally know who Steve Poltz is!

And while I saw all kinds of YouTube vids of him with Jewel (she's not hard on the eyes!), couldn't find a song called Stax that you said was one of your faves.

So I put up Thunderclap Newman instead...

1:23 PM  
Blogger lee said...

Ah,ww -I'm so happy that you know who he is now.And that thunderclap newman song is such a good one :). Am I dreaming or was one of the fellas who ended up in wings in thunderclap newman? -must get googling.

2:13 PM  
Blogger lee said...

No, not dreaming -it was jimmy mccullough.

2:14 PM  
Blogger Within Without said...

Oh, I'm just sitting here thinking about my balls, doncha know?

The little I know about Steve Poltz is that he did a bunch of vids with Jewel, and which of those two am I more interested in?

As far as Thunderclap, the little I know about them is they were started up by The Who.

As far as your latest post about Rick Springfield and the Bay City Rollers, well, I'll keep that to myself for now.

I need some time to digest it and I need to be respectful of your teen-aged crushes.

Oh, and, well, the only person I would turn gay for would be Maxwell Smart.

Or maybe Jimmy McCullough, if I knew who he was. I'll have to google him myself, I guess.

4:34 PM  
Blogger lee said...

So you would turn gay for maxwell smart? That is just plain FRIGHTENING!!!! ;).

10:02 AM  
Blogger Within Without said...

As you know, fine lass, Maxwell Smart is just an imaginary character, much like me.

I would turn gay for him just to be able to, once in my life, go under the Cone of Silence.

I would prefer Agent 99 join me but I never saw her go there, just him and the Chief.

If it's a choice between Max and the Chief, I'll pick Max every time. Wouldn't you?

12:06 PM  
Blogger lee said...

If you want Max, maybe I'll have the Chief. We don't want to be fighting over Max -he's all yours ;).

12:13 AM  

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